Then I sit down to play my first postseason game and realize I've been lying to myself. Again.
I see Lucy holding that football once more. This time I'm gonna kick the shit out of that ball. This time I won't end up flat on my back. This time I won't shout, "AAAAAARGH!" This time, the audience won't laugh at my gullibility. This time, it will be different.
Game One
Before I can even settle comfortably in my chair, I already regret my decision to start Anibal Sanchez. He walks the leadoff batter, Jesse Winker, on five pitches. That is not surprising. All that motherfucker does is walk. Then Starling Marte lashes a base hit up the middle. Two batters, two base runners. Already, we're fucked.
I call to the bullpen. I can't take any chances here. We can't let this game get out of hand this early. "Get Perez up!" I shout into the antiquated dugout phone. "Now!" Less than two minutes into the first game, and I'm already in full-on panic mode. This leaves no room for doubt: I do care.
Two quick outs -- including the dangerous Ronald Acuna -- and the panic subsides. Then Scooter Gennett doubles home both runners with a clutch two-out knock. Fucking Johnny Bo! He just HAD to trade Gennett to Akron!
Nimmo leads off the bottom of the first with a home run. Now D.J. is surely shouting "Fuck Tony DeCastro! He just HAD to trade Nimmo to Salem!" At least, it would comfort me to know D.J. was shouting from his dugout. Instead, I imagine he's reclining in his easy chair, barely paying attention to the game while he listens to some obscure band playing on his record player. (And yes, I imagine he still owns and uses a record player.)
Two innings later, J-Ram crushes a three-run blast off of Mike Clevinger. I punch the air so hard I pull a muscle. I definitely still care about this stupid game. Although I breathe a sigh of relief, the game is far from over. Sanchez can blow it at any minute.
Nimmo leads off the fifth inning with a single -- his third hit of the game. I usually don't try to steal with Nimmo, given his horrible SB/CS rate, but since the pitcher has a "Pr" hold rating, and since we own a two-run lead, I roll the dice. He's gunned down at second. Idiot! Of course, Ramon Laureano follows with a triple, which would have scored Nimmo. Because of course. A long fly ball by Ramirez brings Laureano home. At least we scored one run out of that debacle.
We're still clinging to that 5-2 lead in the eighth inning when that rat-bastard Acuna hits a solo shot off of Taylor Rogers. Rogers then coughs up a single to the left-handed Gennett. That's all for him. Get him the hell out of there. Jonathan Holder takes over and, after walking a batter, gets the inning-ending double play. Another punch to the air.
On to the top of the ninth. After two quick outs, Roberto Perez draws a walk off of Holder. That brings up the very dangerous Starling Marte. Holder is at 26 pitches now. He can't go much further. Marte hits a little worse against lefties. With the tying run at the plate, we go with Oliver Perez, our most dominant reliever.
Perez gets Marte to ground one to third. Game over, I think. Nope. Justin Turner boots it. So, not only did he go 0-for-4 at the plate, with a GDP, he also made what could be a game-deciding error when we're one out away from taking Game One!
Joey Wendle steps to the plate. Tying run now at first base. 2-2 count. Perez deals. Strike three! Salem wins!
Yep, I totally care.
Game Two
Stephen Strasburg has had his ups and downs as a Cowtipper. Instantly, the highlight of his entire Salem career takes place when he leads off the game by striking out that pain in the ass Winker. As if he needed to do anything more to please Salem fans after that, he then steps to the plate in the third inning with no outs and Trea Turner on first. After failing to bunt Turner over twice, Stras somehow draws a walk! From a count of 0-2 to four balls in a row! God, I love him.
Nimmo follows that heroism by popping out to right field. I decide we're going to test the arm of rookie Acuna, and the over-exuberant rookie takes that challenge by sailing his throw over the third baseman's head. Turner scampers home for the first run of the game.
Another clutch, two-out, hit ties the game for Akron in the top of the fourth. In the top of the fifth, with two outs and two on, Wendle hits a nubber down to third...which Turner boots. AGAIN. The fucking useless waste of roster space, who cost us $6.5 million last winter, has made his second error of the series, all while going 0-for-5 at the plate. Is it possible he has heard the rumors from the media that he's already been traded this winter?
That brings Acuna to the plate. With the bases loaded. Man, I can't even watch. I place my hands over my eyes and wait for the sound of the crowd to tell me what happened. Stras ties him up with a change-up in the dirt, and the kid strikes out!
Strasburg then comes through again! He leads off the bottom of the fifth with a double! Is it too early to retire his number in Salem? Unfortunately, he's stranded in scoring position as Nimmo, Ramirez, and Travis Shaw go down in order.
The score is still knotted at 1-1 when Strasburg is due to hit against Mychal Givens with two outs and two runners on base. Stras has thrown 103 pitches in his six innings of work. He wants to hit, but I tell him he's done for the day. I give him a swat on the backside, and he heads to the showers as Ramon Laureano grabs a bat.
Givens has one job to do on the Akron roster: get right-handed batters out. Laureano is right-handed. But it doesn't matter. He takes a 1-0 hanging curveball deep into the left field bleachers for a three-run jack. The crowd goes absolutely crazy, shaking Sam Adams Stadium to its foundation.
Not even ANOTHER error by Justin Turner to start the following inning can deflate the exuberance of the Salem crowd. Rich Rodriguez gets the job done in the seventh inning. Taylor Rogers takes over in the eighth and works around a pair of singles to keep the score at 5-1 in our favor.
With a bunch of lefties due to bat, and with Rogers' pitch count low, I decide to leave him in the game to start the ninth. He faces three batters and allows a walk and single. We quickly hand the ball to Perez, who records out number two. Lefty Wendle then steps to the plate. No problem, I think. But then he singles, plating a run. That brings Acuna to bat, suddenly representing the tying run of the game.
Perez is the best reliever on our staff, but Ryan Brasier is the best we have against right-handers. I roll the dice and go with Brasier. This time, the gamble pays off. Acuna whiffs to end the game.
Game Three
The series shifts to the unfriendly confines of Akron, where we lost five out of six games this year. As game time approaches, we're met with a surprising discovery: Salem-killer Mike Clevinger is somehow well-enough rested to start Game Three! We never anticipated that turn of events.
Nonetheless, the game gets off to a good start. Akron practically hands us a run when Clevinger throws a pickoff toss down the right field line, and Chris Taylor then air-mails a throw to home plate on a base hit by Shaw. Just like that, we're up 1-0.
...and just like that, we're tied at 1-1. Our best starting pitcher, who is limited to less than eight innings in usage the entire series, allows two doubles in the first inning. Both pitchers settle down at that point, and not a single run is scored for the next four innings. Then, in the bottom of the sixth, Starling Marte greets Buchholz with a home run. Then two more doubles and a sac fly. As it turns out, our best starting pitcher turned out to be our worst so far.
Trailing 3-1 in the eighth, Akron turns to Will Smith to face the top of our lineup. I called on Enrique Hernandez to pinch hit, and he delivers with a single. Another pinch hitter, Laureano, lines a double to the gap. That brings Ramirez to the plate with no outs and two runners in scoring position. A base hit ties this game. A home run puts us ahead.
Instead, Ramirez hits a nubber to second base. It gets the job done. A run scores, and we advance a runner to third. With Shaw due to bat, and the lefty Smith still on the hill, we call on Christian Villanueva to pinch hit. We know damn well that D.J. won't let Smith face Villanueva. Sure enough, Craig Stammen then came into the game, so we counter with Hunter Renfroe. Better for Renfroe to face Stammen than for Shaw to face Smith. Renfroe hits one to center field -- far enough to score the tying run.
We're in good shape at this point. We've turned this into a bullpen game, and Akron has already blown through their two best relievers, Josh Hader and Smith. We're golden! Brasier allows a base hit to lead off the bottom of the eighth, but no worries. He gets the next batter, Wendle. That brings Acuna to the plate.
The last time these two faced each other, Acuna whiffed to end the game with the bases loaded. Apparently, Acuna must have picked something up during that encounter. He takes Brasier deep into the night to give Akron a two-run lead.
We're not done yet. We still have one more inning. Akron hands the ball to Jeurys Familia to close it out. He walks the first two batters he faces. We just have to get them into scoring position. Who better to do that than Strasburg? He pinch hits for Jonathan Holder and proves worthy to the task at hand, moving both runners into scoring position with a clutch bunt.
That puts the tying run -- in the form of Vg-speed Trea Turner -- at second base with two chances to knock him in. Kike Hernandez whiffs for out number two. Laureano then grounds out to short. Game over.
Game Four
Heading into this series, this was the game we dreaded the most. Who should get the starting nod? The inconsistent Trevor Cahill? The scary Jon Gray? Or do we go with the bold option of pitching a "bullpen game" with Shohei Ohtani as our two-inning "opener?" Ultimately, we decided to go bold or go home.
This is the most crucial game of the series. If we lose, the series is tied, with one more game to be played in Akron. If we win, at worst, we leave Akron up by one game. It all rested on our bullpen, which has been our greatest asset all season. Thankfully, they were well-rested.
Ohtani starts on shaky ground by walking that annoying motherfucker Winker, but he gets out of that jam. With two outs in the second inning, Chris Taylor homers for Akron. The way this game could go, that could be the only run needed to decide it.
We go with Rich Rodriguez to start the third inning. He ends up striking out three of the six batters he faces. Then it's Jonathan Holder's turn. He walks the bases full in the fourth inning, but gets out of the jam by getting Josh Bell to pop out to deep center. Holder then tosses another shutout inning in the fifth.
Meanwhile, we can't make heads nor tails out of Garrett Richards, for some inexplicable reason. He's good, but he's not THAT good. He throws five innings of shutout baseball before he's yanked from the game due mostly to usage issues. Now, once again, it becomes a bullpen game. We have a fighting chance in those games.
With two outs in the sixth, Justin Turner, the goat (not GOAT) of Games One and Two, finally earns his salary by knocking in a run with a clutch base hit. That ties the score at 1-1. The following inning, Francisco Cervelli gets hit by a pitch to lead off the inning. He moves to second on a bunt, and then scores on a base hit by Laureano.
Clinging to that one-run lead in the bottom of the eighth, we turn once against to Ryan Brasier to face Acuna with the game on the line. Brasier wins again, getting him to fly out to right for out number two. That brings the always-dangerous Scooter Gennett to the plate with a runner on first.
Now...I know you're not supposed to put the go-ahead run on base. I know this decision backfired against me in 2002. I'm well aware of the odds. But I do it anyway. D.J. then wisely pinch-hits lefty Kolten Wong for the right-handed Wilson Ramos. Incredibly, Brasier gets the whiff to end the threat.
On to the bottom of the ninth. We're still clinging to that slim 2-1 lead. Every pitch is excruciating. The pressure and stress of it all has me climbing the walls of the dugout. Brasier, however, is cool as a cucumber. He retires the first two batters he faces, no problem. That brings lefty David Dahl to the plate.
Now...I know you're not supposed to put the tying run on base intentionally -- especially with two outs and no one on base! BUT...this time I had a really good reason for doing so. Josh Hader was due to bat next, and Akron had no other options left on their bench.
Dahl was walked. And Hader struck out.
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