Now that the MLB regular season has ended, it is time to look forward to the 2023 BDBL season. What does the future hold in store for the Salem Cowtippers? Well, folks, I have seen the future, and it is bleak. Very, very, bleak.
We'll start with the good news. Trust me, this won't take long.
THE GOOD NEWS
Shohei Ohtani should be a Cy Young type of pitcher in 2023, given his '22 MLB performance: 166 IP, 124 H, 14 HR, 44 BB, 219 K, 636/518 splits. He will also likely be the BDBL's best designated hitter. (Yes, it pains me to even type those words.) He hit .278/.370/.551 against right-handers, but was rather ordinary (.263/.329/.459) against lefties.
The same is true of Rafael Devers, who crushed righties (.304/.374/.557), but appears to have lost the ability to hit southpaws (.272/.315/.424) in recent years. As he ages, he's becoming more and more of a platoon player. Not good.
Adley Rutschman will finally (FINALLY!!!!) make his full-time BDBL debut in 2023. (Although it won't be his rookie debut, since we used him in 2021, thanks to the projection disk.) Like Ohtani and Devers, Rutschman crushes righties (.280/.386/.503), but struggles so badly against lefties (.173/.287/.265) that he'll be platooned with Garrett Stubbs (.333/.429/.750 vs. LH.)
Trea Turner (.298/.343/.466) and Andrew Benintendi (.304/.373/.399) also had decent seasons at the plate, and have well-balanced splits.
Our starting rotation looks very strong. In addition to Ohtani, we have Framber Valdez (201-166-11-67-194, 505/621), who would be the ace of most pitching staffs. Ranger Suarez (155 IP, 538/757 splits), Luis H. Garcia (157 IP, 723/623), and Jon Gray (127 IP, 731/602) are all decent mid-rotation arms. Lance Lynn (122 IP, 719/681) didn't pitch much (especially at his salary), but will be useful for half a season. Late pickup J.P. Sears (70 IP, 684/723) is another useful part-timer.
THE BAD NEWS
We currently have no first baseman, no second baseman, and no right fielder for 2023. We also have no bullpen aside from David Bednar (52 IP, 545/670 splits) and Kyle Nelson (37, 528/629). Those are way too many important holes to fill this late in the game, and I honestly don't know how on earth we'll fill them, because...
THE WORST NEWS
We have no money!
Check that: we have less than no money. We are $4 million in the hole, actually. That figure is only possible because we plan to release Gregory Soto, Dominic Leone, Jake McGee, Ryan Tepera, and Ramon Laureano. Those five players will cost us $4.9 million to release. Add J.B. Wendelken's cut (which is already on the books) and the grand sum of release penalties will be $6 million.
We are forced to carry the dead carcasses of Brandon Belt ($5.5M), Brandon Crawford ($1.1M), Nick Senzel ($2.1M), and Steven Matz ($6M) due to their contract lengths. That's $14.7 million in salary paid to four players who won't play a single day for Salem in 2023. They won't even be on the bench. They're all that bad. They'll also take up valuable space on our 35-man roster, prohibiting us from filling those spots with players that are actually useful in some way.
Add it all up, and we're paying $20.7 million -- one-third of our total team payroll -- to players who won't add any benefit at all to the 2023 Cowtippers. We're also paying Lynn $7.5 million for half a season. We're also paying Mark Canha $5.5 million to be a thoroughly-mediocre outfielder.
SUMMING IT UP
To sum it all up, we have no bullpen next year, no first baseman, no right fielder, no second baseman, and we're $4 million in the hole. We not only have no money to spend to fill those huge gaping holes, but we'll be forced to trade a very good player just to free some salary. In other words, Salem fans: we're fucked.
Enjoy whatever is left of 2022's success. We may not see it again for quite some time.
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